Not all relationships are one-on-one standards. Some couples choose to open their arms to other partners through open relationships, cuckolding or polyamory. Follow these precautions before you increase the numbers:
· Get agreement.
If you’ve been toying with the idea of opening up your relationship, talk about your desires with your partner. Be open about your thoughts and clear about your expectations.
· Don’t force the issue.
If your man is not into the idea of multiples, don’t force him into the situation. If he’s the more cautious in your relationship give him time to figure out if he is comfortable with the idea of adding a third.
· Be willing to walk away.
If your idea of cuckolding or a threesome is overridden, don’t harbor resentment or (again) force your partner to participate. If you can, walk away from the idea. If you can’t live without your desires, then seek a gay-affirmative therapist with experience in sexuality to help you negotiate your fantasies with your relationship.
· Discuss the terms.
If your partner agrees to explore this new world, then discuss the terms of your experimentation. Perhaps you will only try it once to see if you like it. Perhaps you agree on other terms of the arrangement, like the logistics of finding the third person. Plan before you act, regardless of the terms.
· Establish a safe word.
Remember, your partner’s comfort and your relationship trumps the fantasy, so establish a safe word that either of you can use in case things go wrong or one of you should feel uncomfortable. This word should be the ultimate fail safe and non-negotiable. The moment the word is spoken, the activity stops.
· Practice safer sex.
A good couple of hours can have life-long consequences if you don’t protect yourself. Practice safer sex even if you and your previously monogamous partner didn’t use condoms before. Choose from these top condoms for gay men.
· Recap the event.
Talk about the situation afterward. Obviously, wait until your third party leaves. Discuss your feelings and revisit the rules of your explorations.
Keep in mind that by opening the door to a third or more, you run the risk of either of you or your partner establishing an emotional connection with someone outside of the relationship. Multiple person relationships and open scenarios can work, but they take constant communication and check-ins with all parties involved. Remember, the health of your relationship should always take priority over a good time.