I don’t think gay men are the only ones who suffer from “bed death.” But gay men sure do have a reputation for spreading their love around after a few years with a partner. Does your relationship have to end up in bed death? No! Not if you don’t want it to. But like most things, sustaining a healthy sexual relationship takes work. Here are some tips for keeping sex in your relationship.
- Keep it SweetIf you’re bickering about the dishes and dirty laundry, you aren’t going to be getting any. As men, most of us are especially aggressive. If you want to get him in the mood, treat him sweetly. Don’t dig on him for little things. Remind him daily of all the reasons you love him.
- Make Sex Dates
If you want to keep the romance alive, you make romantic dates with him. If you want to keep sex alive, you need to make sex dates with him. Talk it over and put it in your calendar. It’s no secret that passion dissipates over time. If you haven’t had sex in a while, waiting for it to “just happen” isn’t going to happen.
Set aside a Friday evening or Sunday afternoon. Turn off your cell phones and turn on each other. Whether you plan to spend half the day in bed or just jump onto each other for a quickie, doesn’t matter. What matters is that you both show up and get it on.
- Bring Fantasy Into the Bedroom
Everyone has a fantasy. What is yours? Do you secretly have a crush on a movie star? Did you always wish you had sex in an airplane bathroom? Does the thought of getting it on with the UPS driver make your undies wet? Fantasizing does not mean you’re not into your partner. If you and your lover have never role played before, talk about what your secret desires are. If your partner is leery, let him take the lead.
- Try Sex Toys
When you’re getting tired of all the clothes in your closet, you go out and buy some new ones. The same is true for your sexual repertoire. The same-old, same-old may get him off time and time again, but it just gets boring. Add some spice by trying out a fun new sex toy. Vibrators come in all kinds of sizes and shapes. There are sex toys for every predilection, from anal plugs and nipple clamps to g-spot stimulators. Change your wardrobe, get a new sex toy! Shop for one together, or surprise her on one of your sex date nights.
- Watch Porn
There’s nothing like watching other people get it on to get you in the mood. There are all kinds of great gay porn out there now, so check some out. You will probably get turned on and you might learn a few new bedroom tricks. And don’t feel you have to limit yourself to gay porn. Many gay men enjoy watching straight porn.
- Read and Learn
Sex is like anything. You can always learn more and get better at it. Read gay erotica for stimulation and inspiration. Better yet, read it aloud to each other.
- Be Willing
More than anything, keeping sex alive in a relationship is dependent on both partners making a commitment to do so. Be willing to take a risk and tell your partner what your needs are. Be open to hearing his desires.