“Anything That Moves”—is the reputed three-word philosophy of most of us gay men in terms of dating. When you “gay date” there is a perception that as a gay guy you can have whomever you want, whenever you want, and for whatever motive. BUT this is rarely true.
When you throw a look or smile at someone at a bar and you get it back it’s AMAZING. But if you don’t get it back–and mostly, gay guys don’t–the wheels start coming off, OUCH! Our “Anything That Moves” mantra becomes just a mere fantasy.
When this kind of scenario (like the one above) happens, most of us gay men just give up altogether trying to meet a hot gay guy for a possible hook up date or boyfriend. We get tongue-tied by our crush–become paralyzed by our fear of the too good-looking guy.
For instance, these are some of the most common reactions—or internal monologues—most of us gay men think or feel when we see a handsome or cute guy who caught our attention (at a bar or party or some other meet-cute venues):
‘Who is that cute guy over there? Why hasn’t he glanced me? He’s not looking at me. I want to talk to him but I just can’t go over there unless he first looks at me. If he was interested he would look back at me, right? I AM looking at him, but damn, why is he not looking? I just can’t go over there and say something. Anyway, what would I say?! But I am lonely. How can I date if I can’t even meet or talk with somebody—anybody. Goodness, he is so damn cute! This is ridiculous! I AM being ridiculous! Why don’t I just go over there and then talk to him? RIGHT. Because he’s not looking. The last time I gathered guts to come up to a guy he just turned away! AND THIS GUY WON’T EVEN BOTHER TO LOOK AT ME! Why is it that I always have to be the one to approach guys first? That’s it—I’ll be going home alone again. I’m tired of all this. HEY YOU, CUTE GUY, LOOK AT ME! Well, he’s probably taken. If he was interested in me he’d come over and talk to me or at least look back at me, right? I want to talk to him but I can tell right now that I’m not his type! How come other people can easily go home with the cutest person in the room and I am always left to go home alone? Why, oh, why?!’