So after years of searching for ‘Mr Right’ you finally found your match. He’s smart, funny, creative, affectionate and emotionally balanced, pretty much ticking all the essential boxes on your list. You’ve always been picky and perhaps that might explain why you’ve been single for most of your adult life. But now that all looks set to change – the only problem is that you’re just beginning to learn how to have a healthy relationship and it’s much harder than you thought it was going to be.

It’s a somewhat daunting feeling when you suddenly meet someone who you can actually see yourself going the long distance with. Sure, it’s flattering and your are fighting against your desire to sabotage this new relationship.

Secretly you’re hoping that all the self-development you’ve done on yourself would yield you the perfect boyfriend, but as the years went on you still find myself single. And that was when I say ask yourself this question: are you really not in a relationship because I’m too busy working on myself? Or is it because you are really avoiding the vulnerability and emotional intimacy that comes with being in a relationship? 


2 Comments Add yours

  1. renudepride says:

    A very interesting read. The vulnerability aspect may be part of the reason for the lack of successful relationships. Another possibility is the lack to “role models.” We’re so accustomed and acclimated to the opposite gender loving module with a severe shortage of same gender loving role-models. We become so acclimated to those dynamics that we don’t take the time to explore our own. Naked hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. pdq says:

    I’m single only because my husband of 15 years passed. I’m not saying that for sympathy, I’m bringing it up to establish that I have some experience in this area.

    1) There is no perfect boyfriend/husband. Period. You’re not perfect and neither is he. That’s why relationships take work on an ongoing basis if you want to keep it going. You both evolve as time passes and so does your relationship.

    2) Above all, you need to be best friends. You’re not playing house with a heapin’ helping of sex on the side. You need to be able to discuss ANYTHING with each other because you will go through experiences that are both awesome and awful:

    Job successes / Job losses
    Financial windfalls / Financial setbacks
    Death of family members and friends
    Sickness and health.
    Shared assets (house/property, business ventures, etc)
    Children (don’t laugh – it may happen) and pets

    3) Scrap your checklist of “My perfect man must have/be/do….” Opposites attract for a reason and if your strengths compliment his weaknesses, you may turn out to be fabulous together. But be committed to working on it every single day, be faithful and be each other’s best friend. If you both do that, you will likely be gifted with a tremendously rewarding life together.

    4) Remember too that if you enter into a marriage and you take those vows in front of the people who are the most important to you in the world, you’re entering into a legally binding contract. You can’t just say “screw it” when you get bored and walk away. You’re setting an example for other gay (and straight) people, whether you like it or not. You will be watched from near and far. Don’t fuck up and make us all look bad!

    Liked by 1 person

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