It is dishonest to enter the community with the idea that you are going to change or fix things.
A relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another. Usually when we say that we relate to someone, it is because we’ve found common ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make ideas that seem different come together. So often when we choose our tribes, we try to fit another person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve brought. But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into the community with the notion we want to change things is dishonest. Then our relationship becomes something we’ve imagined and anytime our anything/anyone steps outside of that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest community is one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, and find a way to share our life experiences together.
If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get a sense of how it would feel if our communities only commit to us because it thought we were, or would become, someone or something else entirely. In such an environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different viewpoints.
If we feel that a change is needed, the only makeover that we truly have the power to make is on ourselves. By accepting the community for exactly what it is–the ideal and the not-so-ideal–we will create an energetic shift and we may find ourselves really appreciating our communities for the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.