¿WHY IS MONOGAMY SEEN AS SOMETHING TO FEAR FOR SOME GAY MEN?

Maybe this sounds familiar: You meet a guy, it goes well, so you go out. Then you go on another date, and another, and all of a sudden, a few months have passed, and you’re with someone who makes you smile. But there’s that nagging feeling: Is this too easy, asking yourself if you’re settling?

So you call it quits. After all, who REALLY wants to be with just one person? But the crazy thing is, this sudden onset of what seems like monogamy is not be a deal breaker; it’s actually totally normal.

Think of a typical same gender relationship trajectory, you meet @ the club (or on an app), it’s generally all about lust, fired by testosterone. If the dates that follow (and the mornings after) go well, that physical attraction can turn into infatuation or romantic love.

This honeymoon phase, can last anywhere from nine months to two years (mine lasted for 3 ½ years). When the post-infatuation period kicks in when you start to see things more realistically and less through the haze of chemistry and that’s when you can actually start to assess what fits and what doesn’t.

It is during this phase that you see that the trouble with the chase at the start of any relationship is that it’s packed with adrenaline. We’re trying to convince the other person that we’re worth it, and when they actually agree, the air goes out of the room. up,” he says. This translates into thoughts like, “Oh gosh, I could do better,” or “Is this really all there is?”

That sudden boredom or questioning comes from being addicted to the chase, with some of us just hooked on the excitement. (In other words, when things are good, our taste for adrenaline makes us immediately wonder if they could be even better. Thanks, brain.)

So how do we avoid writing off a potential Mr. Right? Frustrating as it may seem, the best thing to do is nothing at all. Ride it out and do your best to act naturally. Meaning don’t force yourself to be more intimate than you feel, but don’t tell them it’s over as soon as they suggest staying home (again).

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One Comment Add yours

  1. renudepride says:

    Good advice. It’s too easy to think “it’s over ” and walk away. If it is indeed worth having, then effort is involved. Naked hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

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