My boyfriend wants to fuck me raw.
Though he hasn’t said it yet, eventually he will. Right now, however, he is just a tapestry of hints and subtleties. He asks me if he can just put the head in. He says he just wants to loosen me before slipping on the condom. I flinch as he enters my skin its own flimsy fabric against his pulsating raw erection. I tell him, “That is enough. I am open now.” But he wants to know just how open I am willing to be.
I push him off of me. Ask him what’s his problem. Ask him if he has a death wish. I tell him, “I am not into that weird shit! You know what the fuck I got!” And the whole time I am talking about my body. I am talking about the absurdity of a man who would willingly place himself in a den of poison. He pauses, brushes the sweat from his brow and responds, “You have got to get over this. You know I’m taking PrEP, and your viral load is undetectable. It’s like impossible for you to infect me, babe.”
The first thing I was taught after being diagnosed with HIV was that I was no longer desirable. It was a lesson learned in segments. But this boy wants to fuck me just as raw as he wishes to love me and he isn’t the first.
Yes he’s on PrEP, but isn’t enough to convince me I’m not a faulty grenade pin on the brink of decimating his life!
Do you think that I’m being paranoid?
Have you ever had to deal with this?
What are your thoughts?
What advice would you give this person?