WE SHOULD WORRY MORE ABOUT OUR MATURITY THAN OUR ‘MASCULINITY’

I don’t tend to expect enlightenment from gay hook-up apps, but I was struck by the words I read recently on one man’s profile. I was taught that a real man is someone who makes others feel comfortable in their presence. What an admirable quality to aim for: to make others feel comfortable and at ease around…

SEX IS AWESOME BUT…

Sex is awesome, however you like it. It’s always a good thing amongst consenting adults, (and whatever appropriately-sized objects we wish to include). I do think though, that sex can be complicated for gay men. We hid our desires from a sometimes judgemental and cruel world as teenagers. We feared rejection and torment for our…

SEXUAL LIBERATION…

We are lucky bastards. We’ve got it all. We fought through centuries of sex in the shadows, criminalisation, the blackmailing years. Many of us have avoided the fates of countless other anonymous victims of societal homophobia. Lest we forget. Sexual liberation was fought @ Stonewall, and beyond, and we’ve expressed it proudly in our leather…

VIRGINITY & THE GAY COMMUNITY…

The entire concept of virginity wasn’t made for us. And yet many in the gay community have simply adopted the term to be referred to anal intercourse instead – even though vaginal intercourse occurs in our community too! Some believe that you have to be both passive and active in intercourse to lose your virginity,…

WHEN THE TOP/BOTTOM DEBATE MOVES BEYOND PHYSICAL TRAITS…

Hey, there are plenty of folks out there who don’t like bottoming and even some who don’t like to top. Why? Because gay sex is only legible to straight people in terms of the heterosexual matrix, and if someone’s son is fucking a dude/is a top, well then that’s way preferable than if he was…

TOP/BOTTOM: ¿WHY ARE PEOPLE SO CONCERNED?

Every single gay male has heard the following naive question: which one of you is “the woman” and which is “the man”? It’s a question only posed by straight people who are absolutely flummoxed about the nature of gay sex. Flummoxed! Of course the proper retort is, “We’re both men!” That’s the whole point of…

HYPER-MASCULINITY & THE GAY COMMUNITY

In our society, one of the first stages of learnt hyper-masculinity is the propagation of feminine men as objects, things that exist to please a masculine man’s gaze, ego and his penis. Do you think that both ‘masculine and feminine’ men realize that from boys to young men, we’re taught and soon adopt the notion…

¿HOW MANY MEN DOES IT?

For as long as I can remember, scholars, poets and philosophers have grappled with the same pressing question: As a “straight” guy that’s ‘gay for pay’ or bisexual, how many guys do you have to fuck before you’re officially gay? Of course we could start throwing out numbers, but they would prove nothing. Trying to…

WHY FINDING THE GAY GENE IS A BIG PROBLEM

Homosexuality has existed in societies across the globe for as long as we can go back in time. The Greeks, Romans, indigenous tribes, Europeans, and even early Americans had a level of fluid sexuality that permeated throughout their cultures, and that existed on a spectrum that most weren’t fixated on the way too many people…

THE “GAYDAR” MYTH…

Kids are often told that you can’t judge a book by its cover. Even so, people often believe they can rely on their gut to intuit things about other people. Stereotypes often influence these impressions, whether it’s that a black man is dangerous, a woman won’t be a good leader or a fashionable man is…

TOP/BOTTOMS: ¿CAN WE OWN OUR SISSYNESS?

Every single gay male has heard the following naive question: which one of you is “the woman” and which is “the man”? It’s a question only posed by straight people who are absolutely flummoxed about the nature of gay sex. Flummoxed! Of course the proper retort is, “We’re both boys!” That’s the whole point of…

GAY MEN: ¿BAD @ DATING OR OUT OF PRACTICE?

Gay men aren’t bad at dating, we are just out of practice. As little boys, many of us know that it was absolutely not OK to to tell another boy that you like him as this  wouldn’t serve us well on the playground. So we don’t. We don’t tell anyone, and most times not even to ourselves,…